Monday, April 17, 2017
Hi, Living in Dark Blue Friends! I want to thank you for coming on this 3-year ride. I am now on to other ventures, and will no longer be posting on here, but I want to thank all of you who have continued to read my postings. I wish you lots of success and happiness, and I hope that you will always carry the heart of Living in Dark Blue with you. You can still continue to view past postings on here.
Wishing you the very best always.
Sunday, April 9, 2017
She misses you-
all the more when she sees the two of you separately these days.
And she wonders-
How did this happen?
Because all she can think of is that she never signed the waiver-
Yet time kept moving on.
When the heart remains in the old picture,
it's unbearable to let go.
These side by side images,
yet they're so far apart in time.
When the feelings match the 'Then' better than the 'Now'-
What can you make of the 'Today' and 'Tomorrow'?
It's like matching your head with another's body-
How long before everyone knows?
All mixed up,
while making her next move.
But the camera always captures today.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
How much longer must she wait?
She caught a glimpse of you late last night-
A bright light,
but it was a mere flashbulb of a moment,
and then you were gone.
Never before has she known how very much she wants you.
Never clearer, her desires are simple-
Yet there's this essential place in her soul only you can fill.
In a world so very superficial where not even extremes awaken most for very long-
With you she sees the incredible-
She sees endlessly passionate days that she couldn't have imagined in her deepest dreams
She sees with you-
deeply colored sunsets,
and cool nights
It's a cotton candy colored kind of love-
With your strong arms always holding her tight.
She knows that you are meant for her.
She is meant for you.
So all she wants to know is-
How much longer must she wait?
Sunday, March 26, 2017
On this same road again
but making different turns
None of us are given the map
yet somehow we're all led back
To the one place
with the one road
where we each individually have our own
It's where the most painful times have been
It's where innocence and truth remains
If you don't know where to go-
you must go back
to pick up the unresolved
in acceptance and understanding
in strength and gratitude
to spread flowers
so that no matter where you find yourself-
when you're truly on your way...
your heart will always know where to go
and where to stay
Friday, March 10, 2017
Is a feeling so deep that immediately emboldens the heart
Like the last lap with the competitor trailing just an inch behind- You win
Because you have that something extra driving you past where you and others have gone before
This is what inspires
Like that part in the song that's so sharp and unexpectedly reached
You are lifted up high each time you hear those notes uniquely carried out
Nothing less than passionately
This indescribable feeling
You long to bottle up and channel on lesser days
It's the sign that you are here to push past the pain and doubt for a distinct reason
Your true potential
The fire in your soul
Achieving greatness that extends beyond yourself to reach others
It's legendary status
And why everyone begins to sing your song-
follow your art-
your uplifting actions-
and go to your games
Tears filling their eyes
Arms reaching out as far as they can to the stage you've been given
It's the elusive mark anyone can find
But few do
It's where our purpose lies
Sunday, February 26, 2017
I never thought the memory would go this far back
Because I still feel like that girl
Wearing the gray skirt with the thin pink band around the waist
And hair tied back in a low pony-tail
Walking from class to class in this different place
A world away from New York
Yet feeling safe
The romantic life here on the pure and beautiful land that this campus was built upon
I never blended
And I didn't care
There was a freedom in that
Country love songs were my soundtrack
Now ten years have passed
But I feel the same when I go to bed at night
Kansas was a core part of my being that came to life for such a brief time
Within me still
Like a compass now
This place remains
Providing direction to where I should go next
With this love for a land that still remains
Kansas is still with me
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Just a little while ago I was kneeling outside on the deck in our backyard watching our dog. It's in the 60s today, and the coming spring is very much evident in the air. It's the warmest day in a long time, and there are very few patches of snow left- the remaining probably melting throughout today. It strikes me that this may be the last time I see the glistening white until the cold comes once again, later in the year. I think about how thrilling it is when the first few flakes can be seen, and it's sobering and intense to feel this brand new season beginning to make its appearance. This time of year has traditionally made me feel uncomfortable, because it seems to say even more- "Come on, it's time to get up, and do bright things with your life!" The spring encourages new ventures, and that is exciting, but like any new venture in the beginning, it's startling and scary at first. This season though, I want to stop feeling that fear and anxiety. I want to live in the moment more, and give the most amount of time to who and what I love. Tomorrow, I begin my new job, and working full-time. I feel very blessed with this job, but I also know that I need to be present and keep a close eye on balance. Right now I'm reading Present over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, and she talks about her life being overwhelming at twenty-nine. I am twenty-nine now, and I'm doing good, but I know from experience that taking pride in being busy can happen too easily. This book is excellent, and awakens you to living in the moment, and focusing on that which is fundamentally important to you. My plan is to embrace this new job, do my own writing during my lunch and before work, and spend lots of time afterwards with my family not worrying about the future. I want to just take things step by step, and with balance.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
In her mind's eye, she painted the story.
Suddenly, everything seemed clear.
She could see the completed work,
and tears of happiness poured from her soul.
She could see where the colors would need to be placed just right,
and where it was crucial to let the piece breathe-
letting in what was envisioned from the start.
She didn't account for the block that made her story stop.
Putting her brush down with a feeling of great loss,
she couldn't understand the purpose of the piece if it wasn't meant to be carried out.
She didn't at first see that this was a work she had done before,
the same colors and story placed in just a slightly different way.
She didn't realize that this work was created in her heart for her to finally move past the repeated.
With a deep breath of letting go,
she recognizes that she has actually grown-
this experience being a reward rather than a failure.
Something magnificently new she now understands she's being guided to-
a story that's meant to be painted to reach beyond the four walls she's been enclosed in all along.
Like Rapunzel in her tower,
she has learned that she's meant for something that's never existed before-
this something being what will finally set her free.
So she picks up her brush once again-
the blank canvas before her-
entertaining the "impossible" with a newly found assurance,
and waiting patiently for what's sure to come-
the meant to be.
Thursday, February 9, 2017
Hi, Dark Blue! So I just completed my first draft of the novel in a little under two months of working on the story every day, and let me just tell you, it feels amazing! As I said, I had been talking about wanting to write a novel for as far back as when I first knew what a novel was, and now I've finally done it. For the longest time, I wouldn't go past a couple of pages before throwing the story out. I now have a lot of work to do before it will be ready, but I HAVE WRITTEN A NOVEL! I tell you this story of mine to tell you that you can do whatever you've been wanting to do but haven't because of the inner critic or defeatism getting in the way. Go for it. You can achieve anything that you want, My Living in Dark Blue Friends.
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
In her heart she feels so young,
as if she has just as much time as before,
but the approaching number creates much anxiety.
She thinks that she should have done this years ago,
and maybe she would have had her life more together by now.
She's never had the kiss that makes you feel everything falling into place,
nor has she had the career that makes one feel positively that their two feet are molding perfectly into the sands of time.
All she sees right now is everyone who has had these signposts in the ground for years.
Always late to a trend,
sometimes she wonders whether this difference makes her unique or having missed the flight.
To feel this way puts her in quite a state that she can't stand to be in, so she turns her music on to Country for some needed perspective, and switches her thinking around.
She realizes then that she wouldn't have done this today if she had done that right away.
The woman she is today would not be so aware if everything had gone her way.
She just wouldn't be.
If everything had happened the way she was thinking-
he wouldn't be on his way to her right now.
The life she's entering into now wouldn't be as positive as it's going to be.
So it's as many of our elders would say,
timing is everything.
As the years turn you older, life has a way of aligning just as it should for each and every one of us-
Never behind, but right on time.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Oh my goodness, so here I am at the one month mark of working on my first novel, and this is what I have found to be true for me...
1. The key is TRUST. As I go along, the story has been taking on a life of its own. It has become deeper without my even knowing it in the moment. The writing may have begun in a juvenile style, but the heart is coming through as I push myself to show up at the page every single day, and meet my 1,000 word count each day.
2. It's WORK. There have been days, most of them in fact where I did not want to sit down and write. The thought of doing so was often agonizing, and not inspired, but I knew quitting was not an option. In the midst of my doubt the other day my cousin posed a great question- If you were incapable of feeling, would you still be writing this novel? Meaning, if you cut out all the emotions that are making you feel fearful, worried, or tired, would you still be writing this novel? And I said, "Yes." If I cut out the emotions, which I used to think was what the art process was all about, rather than an equal combination of both inspiration and hard work (and sometimes just hard work), yes, I would still be working on this novel. I know this to be true because something unknown is telling me that this is the time to be writing this, it's an instinctive and guided pull to be doing what I am doing. Now I continue on having reached this milestone of 1 month working on the novel every single day. May you all have the strength to continue on with whatever artistic projects you're working on, and congratulations on however far you've gone to making this art of yours come to fruition. ****CL****
Sunday, January 22, 2017
These days the clock seems to at times tick at warp speed
Setting a scared heart into rhythm for firsts that have never played
At this seemingly late hour
She fears for what these lack of stamps will mean
But if she could...
And maybe she can-
Create a world within herself that has entirely different markers
Just maybe then she will see that she's forging the kind of path that a great forebearer or two did too
That she is meant to hold herself to a much different set
The clock therefore right in time with the free heart she's ultimately in quest of
Saturday, January 14, 2017
A puppy under the covers
The scrape of a match for a candle
Beautiful and magical silence
I soak it up and in
It feels like crisp air filling locked spaces
An ushering in of a fresh start
The finely falling snowflakes
All is new once again