Friday, March 23, 2018

So You Can See Me

There are flowers
and pearls
Midnights too
I'm pulling them all out for you
To bring together tonight the workings of my heart
Hoping my words reach you
I'm carrying out the notes in this song as far as the heavens above
Can you hear me?
My heart is feeling so very much
It's always candlelit dark blue here with me
And I've been feeling so alone
So I'm remixing this tune
To touch on every side
I'm giving it all to you
So you can finally see all of me
The spotlight and the shadows too
There's nothing I want to hide from you

Thursday, March 22, 2018

No More You

Do not worry,
I won't be calling you anymore.
I won't be waiting on a response of any kind.
You were not my first, but I'm praying that you're my last.
There will be no more reflections on the words you said.
There will be no remembrances of the times when I was silly enough to believe that you cared for me too.
I won't be thinking of you past the ink drying on this page.
In fact, this will be the last poem I will be writing about you.
I've been erasing it all.
You're almost completely gone.
It wasn't easy, but it turns out it could be done after all.
I guess we were never love.
Your chapter will soon be akin to no more than an illusion of something that has long since gone away.
I have set you free from me.
How does this feel?
It may make no difference to you at all, but I want you to know.
There will be no more waiting, 
and it won't be long at all before I'll be moving on with someone completely different from you.

Monday, March 19, 2018

What Keeps Her Going

Summer of love
She's thinking of
A hot sun
With no desire to run
Just the two of them entwined in the sand
Watching the waves
There's not a single worry in these endlessly wonderful days

Right now the ground is still hard
And her heart still feels marred
But here comes spring with all the redemption and healing it's said to bring
She prays for it to all come her way

She's being forced by the piercing sunlight
To not wait to shine this inner light of hers out ever so bright
She doesn't feel the strength most times
But her heart still holds onto this faith based promise that binds
A story not yet of you and her
Beginning with this summer of love that she just can't stop thinking of

Saturday, March 17, 2018

You're Here

She needs someone who loves these songs.

Do you know the kind?

They pour down and slow dance in your heart,
and you hold onto these songs when you're hurting because you know they have a way of bringing you into that sweet childlike light again.

Spreading a smile across your beautiful face,
this music takes you through time just as it does with her.

And this same love that you share has a way of letting her know that you will always be there.

She wants someone who loves these songs that have the touch of the melodies that she was raised on,
with voices coming through that have felt their heart break too.

She's waiting on someone like this, someone who has been humbled and then experienced God's Grace.

You are someone who is thankful.

She needs someone who understands the emotions of the older,
because they too were brought up with their elders more than their peers.

You have felt what it feels like to not fit in,
and you understand this music because it evokes a life of earning your happiness through an intense and vulnerable heart.

It's the music of a heart that never quits.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

What Love Is

Eighteen years
And I miss you just the same
Not from memory
Not from stories told
I miss you from the presence you so naturally bestowed
This is love
There can't be any other reason for what I feel
I wasn't even a teen when you left for that other land
You are my roots
You are my background
You are my strength
Many others have left since
It is you who remains
I am naturally one who holds on longer 
Whether they are the star or the dust
But time does not allow the hold if there isn't that undefinable quality within
What you seem to possess
While others fall into a memory-
Into stories told
For love is more powerful than the ego
I have learned
That is why you don't fade away
The sky you hold is rare
I see your stature
I feel your guidance
You are wildly protective
And you are still my shield in the storms
You are with me every step of the way
It's only love that has the power to remain
I see this clearly now
The ones who have walked away at times with pieces of my heart-
They were never meant to stay
For love is someone who could never completely walk away
So that is why I continue to wait on the kind of love you still give to me
Because I can still look into your eyes
Just the same
Vulnerable with love
And wise with care

Monday, March 12, 2018

Digging In

It's not innocence

I've been burned many times before

And I know exactly what's been on your mind

I wish that wasn't all that was on your mind

There are so many living in an atheist state of being

I really can't understand

I can't see the point when this is not living to me

Beyond religion

This has everything to do with how everything is seen

There is no reason for an open mind if it's only darkness 

I can't help but feel emptied out from so many people like you who I foolishly let in

But no more

My heart can't take it

I'm digging in for roots now

Letting the leaves fly off

And the branches break too

All for the new

I've cried way too many tears over all of you

So many days and nights spent feeling that I am less when I have so much to give

I am still "Teardrops on My Guitar"

"Midnight Train to Georgia"

"Always Be My Baby"

And I'm always going to be someone who wants to "Dance With Somebody Who Loves Me"

I want butterflies

The desire to not take things too far too soon because you mean so much to each other

I don't want this black canvas before me anymore

Maturity is not what I would call it

I'm not naïve

I'm not a prude

But I'm so weary of the rude

the crude

and this particular perpetual mood

I want the colors to stay

And I don't believe that you reach a certain age and this should all just go away

To not be caught up anymore

So I ask for any of you who don't see your life the same way-

Please don't come my way

I'm digging in for roots

All else can fly and break away

I only want those who are meant to stay

Thursday, March 8, 2018

What has been done

Every declaration
Every moment's realization
All these conversations
They're like lyrics to a sad love song now
She can hear the music
Topping the charts so naturally
Singing out a great narrative that was missed by a single step
A reality that neither one in the beginning could have believed would happen 
When the sparks of the heart were loud
Powerfully exploding with the widest array of colors
What they tasted was everything that was true
A time when they knew more than anything else the feel of each other
There was a completeness
An absolute sense of passageways being cleared
A heart completely open and then being filled with the genuine by the second
But now all they are is a memory
Diminishing every day
Just as easily by the second 
Just a little more gone

Friday, March 2, 2018

She Holds On

"Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile." - Audrey Hepburn

She holds on,
to the flowers you gave her.
Petals pressed in a journal by her bed,
easily torn, she touches them lightly.

She holds on,
to the other side of the coin,
where the bitter is traded for the few pieces of wonderful,
for the true love you gave her that shouldn't be tainted or taken away from the heart's memory.

She holds on,
to the knowledge that only one is meant to go the distance.

She holds on,
to what remains,
to the good in you that will forever light her soul in any times of doubt.

And she holds on,
to this genuine love she has for you.
Always and forever,
this will remain.

The Lesson

She's getting better
You taught her
She's learning to apply this to people like you
A bit of poison may just be necessary after all
To protect the heart when it has been fooled one too many times
"Poison" I say-
For not caring at all would be deadly if taken too far
But to be too open can break an all too sensitive person just the same
This lesson I have learned because of you
It's a recognition
A point of reference
And a new instinct instilled in me to turn me back around when your kind inevitably comes again

Monday, February 19, 2018

Who We Are

We're not just pink-
but the deepest shades of every color
Our indecision is never from a lack of knowing-
but rather care
This is how we are made
Every girl
Every woman
It is our strength
Tearing down this harsher world
We've plowed fields
Led movements
Bared new life
Instilled compassion with the recognition of power
We continue to see a better life
A life where everyone is elevated and respected for their spirit-
Not diminished for their differences
We are the soul and heart of everything bright
Beating every day
So passionately

The Unexplainable

As if it was planned-
The perfect song came on
This life is filled with the unexplainable such as this
Sometimes a sweet sign
And sometimes an empty reality you will never be able to understand
I will never know why you stopped talking to me
I no longer care to know
Even though there was no argument
There was no unresolved hurt
Just love
But even so I have accepted the silence
I move on with the understanding that you were never meant to be for me
I thought we would remain friends
And I guess I was wrong
I deserve so much better
Since you walked away
All I can do is let go
We are part of the unexplainable now
Never to remain
And I do hope you find what you're looking for
But for me it's confirmed
There's nothing left to say but "goodbye."

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Letting go

Lost photos
The missing notebook
The ones you thought were here to stay
Letting the unresolved just wash away
It’s never simple
It is a day to day drama until you no longer want to carry the ache any longer
Those memories that were never meant to be forever
Letting it all disappear into a fun beat
Making your soul want for the completely different entirely
Getting you on your feet
Those past entries
And certain people
They can’t apply to the journey you are on now
A path that can only have the genuine
The honest
The true
And the lasting
Taking up your heart from here on into forever
Letting go

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Monday, February 12, 2018

She is Free

She is rarely the first out of the gate running

Though she would like to be

Her spirit is strong

But her story is different

And always has been

She's in this journey for the distance

Hundred mile markers give her such a thrill

And her heart builds up with more emotion than any other of her kind

She takes in every detail

The in-between colors of every sunrise and sunset

Particularly the ones the others don't notice

The shades that haven't been named yet

And so she falls more

She has to work harder

She is often steered into loneliness

To learn and listen to this state's breath

To feel this emotion through her entire being and sit for the truth

The real love in the pain

And she will often appear as if she will never fit into this place

But suddenly...

Out of the sweet rains she garners such strength from...

You'll see her running at record breaking speed

Becoming even more of an enigma than before

But free

She is

And happier than she ever thought she could be